A few months ago, I was having coffee with some mom friends and one of them asked how many times a week my husband and I have sex. I paused, having to think about it and then blurted out “three or four times.” There was a collective gasp. I couldn’t tell if the gasp was because it was too little or too much. So, I then made them tell me how many times they were having sex. “Not since the baby was born” (this “baby” is 2.5 yrs old), “once a month,” “once a week on a good week” were some of their answers. WHAT???
I was floored! Why aren’t parents having more sex? Here’s what I found out (I’m paraphrasing from asking my mom friends):
“I’m WAY too tired.”
“I’m completely ashamed of my body and can’t imagine getting naked in front of my husband.”
“I’m terrified that my husband will reject me.”
“We don’t go to sleep at the same time, so there is just no time.”
“I’m just flat out not interested.”
“We have sex, but I just lay there and hope he finishes fast.”
These conversations have led me to come up with five easy ways to spice up your love life:
Yes, finding the time for romance is a huge struggle, especially when you’re exhausted and not feeling it all the time. But let’s be honest: that post-sex glow? There’s really nothing else like it
1. Buy lingerie and own it! Wear it a few times alone in the bathroom if you don’t feel comfortable right away. You will learn to love it! There really is nothing better than watching your partners face when you step out in some hot lingerie.
2. Surprise your partner with some wine and candles at dinner. After dinner put your kids in front of the TV with snacks and extra toys and head into the bedroom (or the bathroom) and make it happen. Oh, and lock the door. If TV is not your thing for the kids, improvise
3. Practice sensual dance on your own. There is nothing better than moving and honoring your body. It sometimes can take a few times doing this before feeling comfortable with it, but it can really make you feel invigorated, sexy, and in the mood.
4. Play with your partner. Go bowling, rock climbing, roller skating. Make sure you have “date nights,” during which you let go and act like teenagers — including making out!
5. Tell your partner you love them every day. There is an energy and power to those words that often gets forgotten, but lasts long after they are spoken.
Andi Wickman is a vibrancy coach for mothers who want more “wow” in their lives. She helps burnt out mamas get a handle on what lights them up so they can be more present, caring parents and humans. (And so they can really enjoy the heck out of life for a change!) You can find her blogging about getting your groove back over at www.andiwickman.com.