By: Sydney Pearl
Flight attendants do for a living what many people dream of — waking up every morning in a different city and mingling with a litany of characters. But not all characters are created equal. Sometimes, passengers are sweet, courteous people who make being a flight attendant a pleasure. Unfortunately, there are also plenty of day-ruining a*******, like the guy who thinks he knows your job better than you do, or the creeps who give backhanded compliments.
Sydney Pearl, an active flight attendant and author of Diary of a Pissed-Off Flight Attendant, took a break from patrolling the aisles to write down the worst things passengers say to her on a regular basis.
Credit: Flickr user FaceMePLS
I am going to take a few more breaths to keep the expletives at bay… Just who in the hell do you think YOU are that you feel it’s appropriate to tell ME to smile?! Just because I am not smiling a fake smile does not mean something is wrong. I am 100% positive you do not know me, and if I am going through something, it’s none of your business. Just be happy that my ass showed up to work so that you can get your smart ass from point A to point B.
2. “You look sleepy.”
And you look like an a********.
Credit: Flickr/Peter Clark
3. “Flight attendants are just glorified waitresses.”
Is that what you tell yourself to justify your position in life? Honey, we do not live off of tip shares to make a living, and your job will never be as glamorous as ours. Check your condescension at the gate.
4. “It’s my birthday, I want a free drink!”
I tried that same trick at Lululemon to get free clothes and they looked at me as if to say, “Who gives a f**k?” While I’m happy you’ve lived another day, that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything free. Let me decide if I want to give you a complimentary drink — normally I would, but now that you’ve asked for it… the answer is no! Will that be credit or debit?
5. “I have diarrhea!”
Whoa… too much information, lady. I do not care that you need to be this close to the restroom so you don’t s**t your pants, and I do not care about your personal problems. I don’t know you. Do me a favor: just sit close to the john and stay mum on the subject. Although, FYI, if you do happen to crap yourself, I hope you brought baby wipes and a change of panties, because we do not have loaners.
6. “Can you change my Depends?”
Do I look like a nurse? I am a flight attendant, trained in emergency evacuations, not bowel evacuations. The last time I checked, that little spiel about flotation devices doesn’t include your pee-soaked diaper. Plus, I don’t want to catch Hepatitis… and I can already smell you from here.