Not every relationship becomes a lasting, grow-old-together love story. Whether you’ve got one ex or several, renowned author and theologian Father Richard Rohr believes that most break-ups are due to one glaring factor.
For decades, Fr. Rohr has explored our deepest questions of spirituality and meaning, and this Sunday, he sits down with Oprah for an enlightening conversation on identity, fear and, of course, love. As the Franciscan priest describes it, falling in love — true love — is actually a death of the false self.
“We all love to fall in love,” Fr. Rohr says in the above video. “But to fall in love, you have to take the risk of changing yourself for this person.”
“You have to let go of yourself,” Oprah adds.
“You have to,” he agrees. “And that’s why a lot of relationships don’t last. You have to let go of who you thought you were before you love that person. You’ve giving them the power to change you.”
The inability to selflessly give yourself over to another person, Fr. Rohr continues, is the ultimate relationship downfall. No matter how much you may try to ignore it, there’s no escaping its fate.
“If you don’t give your friend, your partner, power to change you, I don’t think you love them,” he says. “And your unconscious knows that. Your soul knows that.”
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